Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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