capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
