I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
