U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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