She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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