I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
