everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
