His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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