i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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