You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
