Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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