i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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