last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
