Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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