u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
