his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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