Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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