if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The best revenge is premature balding
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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