After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
