I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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