i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
