Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
