I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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