I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
