I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
