It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The power of my boobs compel you
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
