Sponge bath it is.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
