Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
