I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
