Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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