:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I wear drunk well.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
