Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I accidentally burped into my bong.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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