Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
