Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
