it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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