At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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