Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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