I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
