I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
