I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
