Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
