the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
