What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
