I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
