Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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