tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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