They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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