Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
