remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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