Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
