apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
