i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I don't want my vagina anymore.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
