There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
